Thesis

I am so upset right now that it is ridiculous. I really don't know of any options for me. I can't understand why nothing I send to her is good enough or to her liking. Woke up and decided to check email. Yes, I sleep with my phone. I know that is something I must work on. Anyway, I looked at it and found an email that basically told me that only one chapter was sufficient. What the crap? I made all these changes you suggested and only one chapter fits your liking. There's absolutely nothing I can do. She is the head of my committee. The department chair can't do anything about her disliking what I've done. All I can do is make changes to the changes to the changes. I am so tired of this. I can't even enjoy the students being away from the school. I can't even finish reading and begin anticipating for the writing institute at Ole Miss next week. Now it is 4 am, and I am trying to work on this stupid thesis. I have been working on this thesis now for over three years with the same person. I want to give up and say forget it. Is that what she wants? I just don't understand why she is making this so difficult for me. I have neglected myself, my children, my life, things I enjoy, things I want to enjoy, and life in general to satisfy all that she is asking. I am so upset right now. I can't stop crying. I am just so tired of this. There is nothing I can do about it.

*sighs*

*sighs*

Working on my thesis all holiday weekend, I finally submitted it to my
chair. This process of writing a thesis has been so disheartening an
discouraging. I can not see the promised land. I was suppose to have
heard from my thesis committee chair by now. I have not. I can only
hope that not hearing from her is good. I found put today that my
grades for this semester in my fashion courses was an A and a B. Guess
that is pretty good to have so much going on. Was a great relief not
to have to make the children play in another room so that I could
write. Really looking forward to next week. Starting the writing
institute hopefully will be a life changing event.

Sent from my iPhone

Two Headed Snake

Sometimes believing is seeing. I was so amazed to see how real this was. We took the students to the MS NATURAL SCIENCE MUSEUM on last Thursday. We had a great time. Sent from my iPhone

Summer Reading List

These books are on my summer reading list:

The Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. Du Bois
The Interpretation of Dreams by Sigmund Freud
The Shipping New by E. Annie Proulx
A Day Late and A Dollar Short by Terry McMillan
The Book of Virtues by William J. Bennett


I recommend reading:

Jubilee by Margaret Walker
Black Boy by Richard Wright
Basic Black by Cathie Black

Angry At God

Yesterday's Sunday School lesson was about being angry at God. When circumstances overwhelm us, we tend to become angry. However, do we ever have the right to be angry at God? Asking questions about God's ability to save us from our present unfavorable situation, we tend to only focus on what we are currently experiencing and not on what those around us could be experiencing. Remembering that God is all knowing and has a set time for everything in our lives, we can withstand the long endurance of our often seemingly unbearable situations. Anger and bitterness towards God will not change our mishaps and situations.

Here are a few questions to think about:

1. Do we ever deserve our affliction?
2. Do we blame God or feel abandoned by our God when we are afflicted?
3. Is there an ultimate purpose for our suffering?
4. Does our suffering change us?
5. Did we suffer for God's glorification?

Obsessions

Everyone has a list of obsessions, which inspire, control, transform, hinder, ruin, and infect their thoughts. I am learning how to transform my thoughts and improve my writing ability. Sharing my obsessions, I am exposing things that have previously been oppressed.

1. Luxury cars - Porsche Cayenne, BMW 750, Mercedes E Class, and Land Rovers
2. Handbags - Chloe handbags are truly fabulous.
3. Chocolate - I have eaten chocolate for stress relief and for comfort.
4. Parenting - I desire to rear my children successfully
5. Success - I crave being successful at all my endeavors.
6. Relationships- I am obsessed with having loving relationships with others.
7. God - I am obsessed with living a better and righteous life.
8. Fashion - I am obsessed with looking great, knowing the current trends, and helping others look great on a budget.

What are your obsessions?

Porsche Cayenne

Porsche Cayenne

Porsche Cayenne

Wanting

Sometimes, I am overwhelmed by the material things I want. Lately, it has been a new SUV. Thinking that it would alleviate much of the complication associated with the daily journeys the children and I take, I am convince that having a new vehicle is more of a need than a want. But is it? Today I stopped at Higginbotham Mercedes after church. I like to visit car dealerships when they are closed because I don't like the hasseling that occurs. I saw a Porsche Cayenne, and I believe that it's calling my name. On the sales tag it says that it is 32,600. Being the research nerd, I have found out online that it is only 29,500. Talking about a great deal or is it a great deal. However, there is a catch. I owe a substantial amount on my current car. If I tried to get the Porsche Cayenne, I would be "upside down," which in laymen terms is a bad deal. What is a girl to do? For me a want eats away at the core of me and transforms in to an incredible need. I am trying to relinquish this feeling, but it keeps knawing. What is a girl to do?

Educating Mississippi Minds

Educating Mississippi Minds
By Cassandra Hawkins-Wilson
April 17, 2009

Transforming mindsmotivates me daily. Their minds, in the unique word,of their own understandingmust be groomed and cultivated.

I cannot remove the pressuresof inferiority, superiority, and minority.Yet,in the realm of educationI can belittle the prevalence ofignorance, while battling the understanding of the transformation into a unbelievable society of race and class discrimination.
Determined to eliminate the blasphemous stereotypes affiliated with dirt roads,paperless schools, and backwards thinkingI cringe tobe invisible as an educator.A small world of its own,Mississippi, doesn’t blow away the mindsof students to pave the longwinding dark dirt roadsmade of scorching hot red clay.

To wake up concernedabout the ever-evolvingbut slowly changingrevolution of racial tensions,I bathe my perceptions in the understanding of perseverance, confidence, and determination.
Removing the dead cells of stupidity,I fill the tiny stomachs and minds with educational solace,thrown among the remnants of a sometimes foreign placewithin a familiar home.

Black minds, throw upwhite words, white mindsthrow upblack words.Even though I am not deadthe phenomenal beginningsof a struggling existenceis almostburied among the solid pine coffinoverfilled withthe historic beliefs, memoriesof a struggling state.

I live to educate
I move to educate
I believe to educatethe minds inthe unforgotten world unique toMississippi.

Thankful

Today is the last day of school for our students. Beyond the relief of having a much anticipated break, I am so thankful. I am thankful to have a job which impacts so many lives. I am thankful to be able to assist those students with special needs.

Taking the children to the museum yesterday was fascinating and tiring. However, I cannot complain because so many of them had never been. They have hot had the opportunity to be exposed to things like that. Can I say that's a shame? I could. Would that be fair to say though? It would not.

God has blessed my life and my family in so many ways. Often times, it's easy to think of those blessings you want and forget the ones you have. Even if it seems so dismal and no light at the end of the tunnel, there are blessings in the situation.

I am thankful, blessed, loved, and respected. If I keep my eyes on what I have right now and not want I want, God will continue to bless me, and I will have his favor. Realizing the unconditional love of God makes my heart glad. What are you thankful for?

Today

Having spent so many months with an always full calendar of things to do and places to go, I was overwhelmed with the reality that I have one less burden. Today, I felt like a new person. Saturday was my last day of class with the Academy of Art University. I am not taking any classes this summer, so I did not know what to do with this new found time. I finally was able to enjoy cooking, reading blogs, and just lounging around. Only a few more days left of the chaos surrounded with my lovely teaching job. I am so excited. What are your plans for the summer? What is one thing you will not be doing this summer? For me, I will not be working ANYWHERE! I can't remember the last summer I did not work. What are your family plans for your children?

Losing Teeth

My oldest son has lost another tooth today. When I was little, my parents kept our teeth in a little treasure chest from the dentist. Matter of fact, I wonder if they still have them? Eww...probably not! Anyway, I was wondering what do you do with your children teeth? The last few times after the tooth fairy visit, I tossed them...I think -side bar - At least I hope I did - end of side bar - Do you keep them in a special place, or do you toss them?