Can't Shake the Feeling

Driving on my usual commute home, amongst the fighting and screaming of my three wonderful children, I called my mom as usual. This time, though, the conversation didn't go so great. When it started off with, "I have so not so good news." I knew it was death in the family, but to my surprise I was wrong.

My sister's boyfriend house burned completely down. My sister started moving out to her new home on yesterday, but hadn't quite moved all of her things out. She lost so much...clothing for her and my two year old nephew, coats, shoes, purses, baby pictures, a baby book she worked so hard to create, and so much more. Unsure of what to say, I cautiously called her to talk. I could hear the tears in her voice as she talked. I felt the pain she was feeling. I felt the frustration she was consumed with.

Fighting back the tears myself, I tried to be optimistic and encouraging but it seemed so inappropriate. Using the crying of my baby to end the conversation, I just can't shake this lump in my throat. This undeniable inability to understand why? She has been through so much that I just can't quite comprehend this situation. She was trying to improve her life for her and her son. She lost college books and had to miss school.

But what is really frustrating is her boyfriend's situation. He is an only child, who lost his mother and father to an accident at a young age. He was with them and was thrown from the car, leaving a obtrusive scar on his face. The house is gone and contains all he had. My sister explained that he only has the clothing on his back. She does have some of her possessions, not much, but he truly has none.

As I write this, I can't help but cry. Crying because of frustration. Crying because as a big sister, I can't help as much as I would like. Crying because of the "things they lost in the fire" that meant so much. Crying for the history my nephew will never see and understand. Crying because my sister is crying. Crying because of my inability to turn back the hands of time. Crying because I live so far. Crying because of the holidays and the pain it will hold. Crying because of the anguish and contemplation I feel. Crying because I don't know what else to do.