Rankin County Sheriff Patrol to the Rescue

I know it's late, but my heart is still throbbing from the traumatic episode I just experienced.

After a wonderful chat with my friends on Facebook, I get up to check on my children. Walking past the door, I catch a glimpse of something by the brick wall next to the garage. OMG!!! It's a snake!!! I begin immediately freaking out. It's 12 am. What am I going to do?

I couldn't see the head. All I could see was the thick body and the long skinny tail. Immediately, I call Kwandis. He tells me to boil some water and throw it on it. I decide to use the automatic tea brewer I bought from a yard sale, since it heats up really quick. After I heat the water up, pour it in a bucket, and add bleach to it, I open the door and give it my best shot. My best shot is not good enough. I see the head, then I see it move to the edge of my garage. I start to freak out again.

So, I call Kwandis and tell him what happened. He says get in your car and run over it. Okay, I say. That makes sense to me. So, I run and get in my car. Let the garage door up, remembering not to actually hit the garage door (been there, done that). I back up, almost hitting the basketball goal. Look at the gray concrete, and no snake guts are seen. OMG!!! My first thought is that it went into the garage. I panic again. This time I panic a lot.

In our subdivision, we have no street lights (that is another blog). So, it is extremely dark. My mine begin racing. I am driving in the grass, back and forth in my drive way. No snake. I just know this snake is in my garage. Then I start thinking about the kids. What if they wake up, don't see me and get upset. What if they see the lights and open the door? What if the baby falls out of my bed, nudging for me.

I am too afraid to get out. I call Kwandis. He tells me to go in the garage, and run in the house. In the infamous words of Whitney Houston "HELL to the NO!!!" I won't. He tells me to run in the house in the front door. No I won't. So in case of emergency, call 911. I tell the dispatcher my problem...saw snake, tried to run over snake, don't see snake, afraid to get out of car, young children in house, afraid to get out of car, husband at work, afraid to get out of car, dark outside, afraid to get out of car, don't see snake, afraid to get out of car, think snake in garage, afraid to get out of car.

He quickly explains that they don't do snakes. Then he tells me to hold on. Meanwhile, I call husband on three way, still freaking out. Thankfully, he says that an officer will come out. I call my mom, leaving a hysterical voicemail. She finally calls back, drunk from sleep. I keep driving around my driveway. Then I see it. It is curled in a ball, under my children's bedroom window. The hand is propped up, facing me.

Freaking out again, my heart starts throbbing. Can't let the garage door up, may go in. Can't run to front door, may bite me on the way. It is huge. Then I see two patrol men creep by my house. Thinking it's my rescuers I become a little relieve. Unfortunately, they creep on down the street, out of view. Meanwhile, I am still being mean mugged by the snake from hell.

Then, my knight in shining armour drives into my driveway with a flashlight. I explain to him that I found it and where it was. He tells me they saw me driving back and forth in my driveway and thought someone was breaking in. I must have appear a little off the wall doing that. Several patrolmen pull up to my rescue. They go in my garage and get the weapons of mass destruction (Home Depot shovels) and prepare for battle. This snake does not go down without a fight. It is huge. Turns out it was "just" a chicken snake. To me, a snake is a snake is a snake.

When they commence to removing the snake, my electronic window went up immediately. As I am writing this, I still have a slight ache and visions of "the snake."

Living in Rankin County has its benefits, we may not have the lap of luxury of hard liquor, but it is nice to know that these men take protecting their citizens to the full extent, even if it is only a snake and 1:00 in the morning. Parking in my garage and running or rather sprinting into my house, my nerves are still bad.

So, bad that I am waiting up for hubby to come home. Amazingly, the children were still sound asleep in their beds, somewhere in Dreamworld. Yet, I won't be visiting Dreamworld anytime soon.